tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-69133873284798095272024-03-05T16:45:44.402-08:00The Better Beards BlogDanielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09548448285978266025noreply@blogger.comBlogger40125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-74958720744135376112012-01-05T12:19:00.000-08:002012-01-05T12:54:10.536-08:00Before and After<div><br /><div><br /><div align="center"><strong>What a Beard Did for Me<br /></strong>by </div><div align="center">The Most Interesting Man in the World</div><div align="center"> </div><div align="left">I don't always pick tomatoes; but, when I did, I looked like this:</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"><div align="left"><img style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 259px; height: 320px; float: left; cursor: pointer;" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5694247498803965202" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjiOe9saSOogZ0I2Z83uBtW72HR2qILYwLndsXLLHhaoRA0AHMSglzSgqIm5tm8V9zhK-ZiLeT49WgTFdS2uldBpFVmU1ajdpjmRuwhWwdWLGhZthesnoGx9Wmy0tkj2RGaTxyz0cUvqj9g/s400/ripeness.jpg" /></div></div><div align="left"><div align="left"> </div></div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"><div align="left"> </div></div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"><div align="left"> </div></div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">But, wanting a single feature that would experience more than a lesser man's body, I grew a beard. Perhaps you'll recognize me?</div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCjj0HmIuwNJfHyUyrOSBa09pukUut73RwSkkNOJUgSOl6UhqpAAWDm4cTit_Y4neh4JVbDrncQbC8vZCiyZDXALDBeAjRuJjsTNGJ11ZTl57RT0bIbq6YzoMUc1107w8KHD7vMescASoP/s1600/dos+equis.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 270px; height: 348px; float: left; cursor: pointer;" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5694249701874801746" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiCjj0HmIuwNJfHyUyrOSBa09pukUut73RwSkkNOJUgSOl6UhqpAAWDm4cTit_Y4neh4JVbDrncQbC8vZCiyZDXALDBeAjRuJjsTNGJ11ZTl57RT0bIbq6YzoMUc1107w8KHD7vMescASoP/s320/dos+equis.jpg" /></a></div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left">Stay bearded, my friends. </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div><div align="left"> </div></div></div>Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-55410522098510013512011-11-29T20:46:00.000-08:002011-11-29T21:42:04.792-08:00Great Beards of History: Alfred the Great<div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGfSdPuRE7iXV3pYMu6tFiGH7R06soAYWioJHU4R1duL8xNYQscoIb723-ab_fp1PisBzmN0Yu8jln4R80MBKnv12uKBw2-zH9iULTCuV3FAxp0exbsF0EBWXQImkxZCulo6lvSY2rfw1G/s1600/Alfred+Statue.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 252px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGfSdPuRE7iXV3pYMu6tFiGH7R06soAYWioJHU4R1duL8xNYQscoIb723-ab_fp1PisBzmN0Yu8jln4R80MBKnv12uKBw2-zH9iULTCuV3FAxp0exbsF0EBWXQImkxZCulo6lvSY2rfw1G/s320/Alfred+Statue.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680652407481513218" /></a>Alfred the Great, King of Wessex, Anglo-Saxon defender, leader in education and culture, and <i>bearer of a mighty beard. </i><div><i><br /></i></div><div>King Alfred is one of England's most beloved heroes, standing among King Arthur and Richard the Lionheart. He staved off the Vikings from overtaking his land, through much struggle and ingenuity. A well learned man himself, he initiated a renaissance of education and culture during his days of peace. The English Navy had its beginnings with King Alfred. Alfred the Great was a man of might, courage, wisdom, and intellect. He wielded his sword as well as his mind with a strong arm.</div><div><br /></div><div>It is on this basis, therefore, that we look to Alfred as a model of a responsible and worthy bearer of the beard. Notice in the 19th century portrait below the full and forked style.</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhp9-iggEWgcnGl3QKew37Nhn3KevJtiu9btbA7VthDlWjz-qy3X9EcCYPosRN5PGt37YE-BKv_KMQwechFQSxPTt8t-3FmhZ-OSSsLIrf2SiDvRK28pyxOj2hMKI_ktWJomQVi6U5NKK5b/s320/King_Alfred_%2528The_Great%2529.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5680657420806984114" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 261px; height: 320px; " /><div><div style="text-align: center;">Behold, King Alfred the Great. Behold, a spectacular beard.</div><div><br /></div></div>J.Hanbyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01506625984872729093noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-71424721998626334722011-10-10T06:28:00.000-07:002011-10-11T06:45:53.024-07:00Strap on Your Chastity Masks<div><div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBytBat9DkL27QOtrWLDKSVciYhFGESB-KnH2aZCZJdWDWB6wzjZArbC7ISq-oGcqzCa8mV79JWko5ZZX_JPPPJrhh2hTEAW1xy77xuYdJOARdUh3HBC50VPuKgkL7scvUay-3UvSgyobh/s1600/Beard-AMISH2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px 10px 10px 0px; width: 200px; height: 200px; float: left; cursor: pointer;" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5662228369982163202" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBytBat9DkL27QOtrWLDKSVciYhFGESB-KnH2aZCZJdWDWB6wzjZArbC7ISq-oGcqzCa8mV79JWko5ZZX_JPPPJrhh2hTEAW1xy77xuYdJOARdUh3HBC50VPuKgkL7scvUay-3UvSgyobh/s200/Beard-AMISH2.jpg" /></a>Strap on your chastity masks, Gents: <a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/10/10/arrests-amish-beard-cutting_n_1003944.html?ir=Weird%20News">an Amish splinter cell is forcing itself on unsuspecting beards</a>.</div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div>I'm waiting for an Amish <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzNhaLUT520">Antoine</a> to chime in, telling us to "Hide thy wife, hide thy kids, and hide thy beards to0, for they be violating everybody out here..."</div><div align="left"><font color="#cc0000"></font> </div></div>Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-40587675560325989342011-09-19T09:57:00.000-07:002011-09-19T10:01:54.817-07:00Encouragement for Sea Captains: Only 3 Stages to Go!<div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://burnabrain.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/facial-hair-length.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; width: 480px; height: 689px; text-align: center; display: block; cursor: pointer;" border="0" alt="" src="http://burnabrain.s3.amazonaws.com/wp-content/uploads/facial-hair-length.jpg" /></a><br /><div></div></div>Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-66690256469866831472010-10-25T08:33:00.000-07:002010-10-25T08:41:50.350-07:00Great Beards of Walmart<span style="font-size:130%;">Walmart can be a great place to get your feet wet in the increasingly popular sport of competitive beard-watching:</span><br /><br /><ul><li><a style="font-weight: bold; font-family: arial;" href="http://media.myfoxorlando.com/photogalleries/PeopleOfWalmart/1/lg/1673.htm">MR. INDIAN</a></li><li><a style="font-weight: bold; font-family: arial;" href="http://media.myfoxorlando.com/photogalleries/PeopleOfWalmart/1/lg/1476.htm">MR. BIKER</a></li><li><a style="font-weight: bold; font-family: arial;" href="http://media.myfoxorlando.com/photogalleries/PeopleOfWalmart/1/lg/Wrong_Turn.htm">MR. TRAPPER</a></li><li><a style="font-weight: bold; font-family: arial;" href="http://media.myfoxorlando.com/photogalleries/PeopleOfWalmart/1/lg/1934.htm">MR. HIPSTER</a></li></ul>Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-54281671300700656882010-10-13T09:55:00.000-07:002010-10-13T10:04:03.146-07:00Any Chump Can Give Her a Shoulder to Cry On<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://thebeardly.blogspot.com/2010/05/any-chump-can-give-her-shoulder-to-cry.html"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 432px; height: 346px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_OzXJuNyMIKE/S5humibPD0I/AAAAAAAABQ4/7b8dYladGAQ/s1600/BL_HORIZONTAL_beardly5_chump_sm.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-45329123447600364732010-10-12T08:19:00.000-07:002010-10-12T11:12:03.399-07:00Upcoming Beard Events<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.whiskerclub.org/gallery-2.xl/gallery2/main.php?g2_view=core.DownloadItem&g2_itemId=572&g2_serialNumber=2"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 238px; height: 357px;" src="http://www.whiskerclub.org/gallery-2.xl/gallery2/main.php?g2_view=core.DownloadItem&g2_itemId=572&g2_serialNumber=2" alt="" border="0" /></a><a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://beardteamusa.org/events/fall-2010-beard-events/">Beard Team USA</a> has posted this Fall's events:<br /><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>Austin Facial Hair Club benefit show</strong><br />October 18th, 2010<br />Beauty Bar, 617 E. 7th St. – Austin, Texas 78701<br />Proceeds will help Austin Facial Hair Club get to Norway and represent Austin!<br /><br /><br /><strong>Third Annual Western Pennsylvania Beard and Moustache Competit</strong><strong>ion</strong><br />Billy’s Bar and Grill<br />Oil City, Pennsylvania<br />October 23, 2010<br />6 pm<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;"><div style="text-align: left;"><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:85%;" >Aarne Bielefeldt</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:85%;" >2010 National Champion</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);font-size:85%;" >Full Beard Division</span><br /><br /><br /></div></div><strong>Austin Facial Hair Club’s Halloween River Boat Party</strong><br />October 29th, 2010<br />Austin, TX<br />All aboard @ 9 pm<br /><br /><br /><strong>Ohio’s First Beard and Moustache Competition and Festival</strong><br />Polen Farm<br />Dayton, Ohio<br />November 13, 2010<br />A charity event supporting a local home called the Stillwater Center.<br />If you want to compete, just show up. Info: ticket@gemcitygentlemen.com.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Krewe de Croix Beard and Moustache Contest</strong><br />Boardwalk<br />Christiansted, US Virgin Islands<br />February 5, 2011<br />Krewe de Croix, the Virgin Islands’ local chapter of Beard Team USA, presents the annual beard and moustache contest. This time the theme is “Rock and Roll is here to stay!”Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-48212085385796797392010-10-10T06:00:00.000-07:002010-10-12T11:21:15.942-07:00Beard Salute: The Roaming Gnome<div style="text-align: left;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://leisure.travelocity.com/Promotions/0,,TRAVELOCITY%7C1751%7Cmkt_main,00.html"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 207px; height: 234px;" src="http://knittymuggins.files.wordpress.com/2007/04/travelocity-gnome.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><strong style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"></strong><strong style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"></strong><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"></span></div><span style="color: rgb(255, 255, 255);"><blockquote></blockquote></span><strong style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">"</strong><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">Hello, chaps! Welcome to my spiffy new digs. Can I put the kettle on for you? I’m the Travelocity Roaming Gnome. You’ve probably seen me on the telly, actually, upholding the Travelocity Guarantee. You should know that the camera adds ten pounds. </span> <span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);"> Things I like include finding smashing travel deals, buttered crumpets, combing my lustrous beard, and Photoshopping my passport picture so I look just a smidge taller. </span> <span style="color: rgb(102, 102, 102);"><span style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);"> Things I don’t like include tan lines, the last day of vacation, people who scream “freebird!”, and getting stuck in the middle seat between two Chatty Cathys."</span><br /><br /><br /></span>The Roaming Gnome--whose real name remains undisclosed for obvious reasons--escaped oppressive gardening back in 2003, assisted by the <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://www.freethegnomes.com/">Garden Gnome Liberation Front</a> (a little known subset of the <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://betterbeards.blogspot.com/2009/04/during-my-two-years-in-israeli-foreign.html">Facial Follicle Freedom Front</a>). After spending several months reconnecting with family at the Bavarian Black Forest refugee camp, he finally found employment with <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://leisure.travelocity.com/Promotions/0,,TRAVELOCITY%7C1751%7Cmkt_main,00.html">Travelocity's marketing group</a> in 2004, where he's happily served ever since.<br /><br />When asked to comment on gnomish beard cultivation, he only said,<br /><br /><blockquote style="color: rgb(204, 102, 0);">"Bullhonkery! We gnomes are <span style="font-style: italic;">born</span> with lustrous beards. Anyway, you wouldn't happen to have a bit of stinky cheese about, would you, eh?"</blockquote>In any case, this beard salute goes out to the Roaming Gnome. Sir, we salute you!<br /><br /><iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/3386371?title=0&byline=0&portrait=0" width="400" frameborder="0" height="302"></iframe><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/3386371">Travelocity, Tourguide</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/baldwinand">Baldwin&</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.</p><br /><strong></strong>Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-3600990673963384242010-10-09T06:00:00.000-07:002010-10-09T06:00:01.480-07:00Accidents: Problem SolvedFinally, a solution for <a href="http://betterbeards.blogspot.com/2010/10/accidents.html">accidents</a>:<br /><br /><iframe src="http://player.vimeo.com/video/13832598" width="400" frameborder="0" height="300"></iframe><p><a href="http://vimeo.com/13832598">A Beard Film (stop-motion)</a> from <a href="http://vimeo.com/user1797936">Ian Robertson</a> on <a href="http://vimeo.com/">Vimeo</a>.</p>Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-49542737290757872352010-10-08T06:00:00.000-07:002010-10-08T06:21:06.184-07:00Cranium to Face: a Tenuous TransitionHead hair and face fur are two different animals, and the experienced barber does not take the tenuous transition lightly. Although <a href="http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLnMnbVPJ2o2eHuQSl62IhS8FQgVMKy7BAd2WU67WHixNIizg5ZurfyYaE_iJhXgpHTApzKMP0yU_66nsztb95NWSTrbQ_olYHb8axUGNVRwqnJ64K-tWfNPdVk-i9pWgv5HtBDODQCnE/s400/beard~2.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.boards.ie/vbulletin/showthread.php%3Fp%3D68179935&usg=__azfAjJatSsrFFZOxln3Hglzwq6Y=&h=250&w=185&sz=12&hl=en&start=73&sig2=BpVC4Kd0kSUaNkFg2dpPmA&zoom=1&tbnid=eY-_hB_YA83bHM:&tbnh=119&tbnw=88&ei=aQ-oTOj9O8SFnAep2Km9DQ&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dbeard%2Bbald%26um%3D1%26hl%3Den%26safe%3Dactive%26sa%3DN%26biw%3D1024%26bih%3D556%26tbs%3Disch:10%2C1669&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=587&vpy=196&dur=1335&hovh=200&hovw=148&tx=67&ty=106&oei=VA-oTJerMMWmnQeptfWlDA&esq=6&page=5&ndsp=18&ved=1t:429,r:3,s:73&biw=1024&bih=556">the occasional chap</a> revels in marked cranial/facial distinction, most of us prefer that some attempt at blending is made.<br /><br />But how?<br /><br />One method I've tried:<br />Make all hairs stand up perpendicular to the skin, starting from the the place where your sideburn transitions to cheek-line (the <a href="http://t3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:M8mbkXnQAdvRUM:b">Elvis hook</a>) and going up to about where the side of your head transitions to dome. Having stood these hairs up, you can (theoretically) look into a mirror head on, see the incongruence in length between the sideburn hairs and side-of-your-head hairs, and use a buzzer to create a gradient from the top of your sideburn to the top of the side of your head.<br /><br />Suffice it to say that this technique will work when <a href="http://news.stv.tv/scotland/west-central/193399-schoolboy-cycled-naked-down-country-road/">cycling naked is an acceptable alternative to air conditioning.</a><br /><br />No, the simplest way to accomplish the blend is this:<br />Wet your hair and comb all your sideburn and side-of-head hair straight forward, like you're trying to comb it into your eye. You'll notice a leap in length as sideburn hair meets side-of-head hair. Simply create a smooth arc in hair length, from sideburn to bangs.<br />Now, reverse the process-- comb all hair backward at the same angle, like you're trying to comb it back into your ear. If you can trim around the front of your ear in a seamless arc from sideburn to head hair, while your hair is firmly in this position, you will have come close to blending beard and skull sufficiently.<br /><br />Alternately, you could just <a href="http://www.kotaku.com/gaming/gandalf.jpg">grow both so long that transition becomes a non-issue.</a>Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-15806389059064722032010-10-07T11:00:00.000-07:002010-10-11T18:49:04.913-07:00Manterview: Brandon Dyer<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk8zszIuDOcWfkeH4OC560yIYgRrL-OFUeFD6uVb_MkgofkGD1K3HPTQllwayb3xEdlAlOuFGVK34fL-6K25aYgntwBZOjJmSaKKiuOQnBBRimhkchs9w2gJqoYToF5S8Df0Xi5ADxotAS/s1600/brandon_3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 203px; height: 152px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgk8zszIuDOcWfkeH4OC560yIYgRrL-OFUeFD6uVb_MkgofkGD1K3HPTQllwayb3xEdlAlOuFGVK34fL-6K25aYgntwBZOjJmSaKKiuOQnBBRimhkchs9w2gJqoYToF5S8Df0Xi5ADxotAS/s400/brandon_3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5524711788160206898" border="0" /></a><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">SC:</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> Brandon, thanks for being with us today.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BD:</span> Thanks for having me, Scott.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">SC:</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> Brandon, many of our readers know that you recently converted to Presbyterianism. I'd like to explore the relationship between Reformed theology and beards. What role did your facial manliness play in this? Is there anything you'd like to say to your clean shaven Reformed brethren? Talk to us.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BD:</span> Great question. Let me answer with an encounter I had last night (October 3, 2010): <div><br /></div><div>I needed to take the trip to Hanover Park, Illinois, to be presented before the session for membership in the Presbyterian church. As I sat at the round table with them, I began to notice something. I looked to my left, and there sat an elder with a full beard. I looked across the table at the preaching pastor and noticed his beard filling in quite nicely. I looked at yet another elder and noticed his burns and chin goatee filling in. I began to be distracted by this phenomenon as I qualified my s<span style="line-height: 15px;font-family:arial,sans-serif;" ><em style="font-style: normal;">upralapsarian</em></span> position to them. As I thought about it later, I began to realize why I was so distracted. The distraction happened at the moment I realized the strong link that Reformed theology has with beards. </div> <div><br /></div><div>As I left that room I felt confident in my imminent acceptance into membership. Was it because I could wax eloquently (Robert Reymond style) about supralapsarianism? No. Was it because one of the elders said my girlfriend seemed like she would be a "suitable helpmeet"? No. It was because I decided over a month ago to have a full man's beard for the meeting I would be having with the session. This decision-- to grow, groom, and keep my beard--proved to be monumental in my acceptance into the Presbyterian church. </div> <div><br /></div>I would certainly implore my brethren in other Reformed camps to consider the beard. Not only does it provide security in your manhood, but it allows others to feel secure in you. Growing a beard isn't only about yourself, it's about others--your congregation, your significant other, your children. How long will you wallow in your nakedness? Clothe your face, brothers.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">SC:</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> Some have said that Reymond's modified supra position is essentially infra. It's like infra that doesn't want to be. I mention this because it finds parallel with that elder who wore only burns and a chin goat-- like a beard that doesn't want to be. </span> <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"><br />Leaving aside the question of God's decree, do you agree with my sentiments toward goatees and their ilk? Or do you consider them legitimate expressions of masculinity in their own right?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BD:</span> I do agree. However, this man obviously lacks BGP (Beard Growing Potential). So, in compassion, I think it necessary to give him an "A for effort". In most cases, I wouldn't consider them a legitimate expression of masculinity, but in his case I'm thankful for his attempt.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">SC: </span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> Of course. Of course. As I always say, "grow what you've got." One's manliness does not consist in his growth potential, but in his use of whatever growth potential he has. </span><br /><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">Moving on, Brandon, I'm sure that our readers would like to know how your beard has treated you. What's it done for winter warmth? Relational warmth? What else?</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BD:</span> Some "men" buy scarves to cover their face. I say, "Why not let your God-given hair cover your face?!" Is there any synthetic material that can keep you warmer than your own hair? Did God really intend for anything <i>but</i> facial hair to cover your face? <div><br /></div>Relationally, I can't say my beard has been well received by the women in my life: sisters, mother, girlfriend, etc. My suspicion when it comes to women's lack of love for the beard, is that they lack the biblical undergirding concerning beards. This epidemic is sweeping through our churches.<br /><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">Before</span></span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9m1kAKQdsCiqQolXaLSyhM-zZYEuGawaaUh0FO3Y9eZ32ms2a3wkMZi825QRKO-kUfDFePExrrMXQvNygxDKhyphenhyphenOq4XFAblrtBluzQ9zblWXULMXqJnhRp6ajWlFLzuQ2fTWVFj4UkD7Dd/s1600/brandon_1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 319px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9m1kAKQdsCiqQolXaLSyhM-zZYEuGawaaUh0FO3Y9eZ32ms2a3wkMZi825QRKO-kUfDFePExrrMXQvNygxDKhyphenhyphenOq4XFAblrtBluzQ9zblWXULMXqJnhRp6ajWlFLzuQ2fTWVFj4UkD7Dd/s400/brandon_1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5524711023464359170" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><span style="color: rgb(153, 0, 0);font-size:130%;" ><span style="font-weight: bold;">After</span></span></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguZzny5BT-KAldg2jp6UDSxamo8lG8tD-VAFv4t3yP91-I9-8L5SDQxy1PlhUL06O2avyWrS3wgu8UlpCd-USNtSgz4Jm9zn_A4YfFXTAhgDWZFj0cKBG5xwy_cEeIqY8FA-6tjko-pCtX/s1600/brandon_2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguZzny5BT-KAldg2jp6UDSxamo8lG8tD-VAFv4t3yP91-I9-8L5SDQxy1PlhUL06O2avyWrS3wgu8UlpCd-USNtSgz4Jm9zn_A4YfFXTAhgDWZFj0cKBG5xwy_cEeIqY8FA-6tjko-pCtX/s400/brandon_2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5524711118752301570" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">SC:</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> Hm. I feel for you Brandon, and respect your perseverance. Bear in mind that your woman does not yet know what benefits your beard will</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> bring to marriage. After tying the knot, she'll have ample reason to rejoice in her hubby's face fur. </span> <span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"><br />I'd like to wrap this up by asking you to address those readers who are teetering on the fence of indecision. Some fear that their growth will be sparse. Others that employers will not approve. For some others, the fear of the unknown, of silliness, of failure, inhibits their manliness. Reach your arm through their monitor, right now, put it a</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">round them, and speak a word</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> of encouragement.</span><br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">BD:</span> Brothers, I want you to understand something. This interview is explicitly toward <i>brothers</i>. This is not a sexist issue! But it is a man-only issue. Only men (well...mainly men) can make the decision to let their beards grow freely or to put the blade to the face. Gentlemen, is pseudofolliculitis really worth it to you? Is spending money on blades, shaving cream, and talc powder really being a good steward of your money?<br /><div>Consider beard growth--for yourself, for your church, for you family.<br /></div><br /><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">SC:</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> A good word, Brandon; a good word.</span><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);"> </span><span style="color: rgb(51, 51, 255);"><span style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">Thanks for giving us a few minutes of your time! Stay bearded, my friend.</span><br /><br /><br /><br /></span>Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-37147607557160103602010-10-06T05:29:00.000-07:002010-10-06T10:12:54.133-07:00Accidents<div style="text-align: left;">The intentions are usually the best. A beard is slightly overgrown, a quick touch up will make it look better. That's the motivation. But other considerations enter into the equation. A steamed up mirror. An over zealous gesture of the wrist. A dull razor blade.</div><div><br /></div><div>But undoubtedly the most precarious factor is the human eye. A hypothetical situation:</div><div><br /></div><div>A man enters into the bathroom intending on trimming his full beard. The hair has grown too high onto his cheeks, and it looks unkempt and half-cocked. The tool of choice: a three-bladed Gillette razor. The initial debate: does he start high and work low, or start low and go up?</div><div><br /></div><div>The shaving cream is applied, and whether he starts high or low, the same thing seems to happen: after shaving and washing the cream away, one side is a little askew compared to the other. More shaving cream is needed... and then the follicular formation is lopsided in the other direction. Repeat. Same problem.</div><div><br /></div><div>Before the victim knows it, their beard is all but gone. Very little reason to keep the goofy-looking stray loners poking out all over the face. And so, the fateful, heavy decision is made: the facial hair must go altogether. The departure takes place with the hope that a new dawn will see the beginnings of stubble. With each subsequent dawn, hope will swell. The newly shorn man comforts himself with that knowledge, that God has worked into his DNA the automatic capability for hairy growth.</div><div><br /></div><div>Until the beard returns... don't overdo it.</div><div><br /></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><img src="http://blogs.creativeloafing.com/dailyloaf/files/2010/07/shaving-300x168.jpg" border="0" alt="" style="display: block; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: auto; margin-bottom: 10px; margin-left: auto; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 168px; " /></span></div><div><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 238); -webkit-text-decorations-in-effect: underline; "><br /></span></div><div><br /></div>Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09548448285978266025noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-30413027490785585052010-10-05T13:12:00.000-07:002010-10-12T11:14:52.886-07:00When Hollywood Outdoes the Church<span style="text-decoration: underline;"></span>What do Aragorn, Wallace, Spiderman, and Brad Pitt (who's played no part I feel like honoring in any sense) have in common?<br /><br />They have the good sense to wear appreciable beards in real life.<br /><br />Well, to the degree they...have...a real life.<br /><br />This is an <span style="font-style: italic;">Imago Dei</span> thing, obviously.<br /><br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://beardcoach.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/viggo-mortensen-beard.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 500px; height: 363px;" src="http://beardcoach.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/viggo-mortensen-beard.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Thick in front and sparse on the sides, but a man is never to be judged on biological factors. The degree of freedom one grants what follicles he has is the test of his masculinity (besides, mine grows the <a href="http://betterbeards.blogspot.com/2009/04/sparse-cheeks.html">same way</a>!) Full mustache development, accentuated by slicked hair.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Score: 7</span><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://beardcoach.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/mel-gibson-beard.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 200px; height: 306px;" src="http://beardcoach.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/mel-gibson-beard.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Lumberjack with nicely patterned white streak under the lower lip.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Score: 9</span><br /></div><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/10/03/jake-gyllenhaal-debuts-bu_n_748318.html"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 402px; height: 701px;" src="http://i.huffpost.com/gen/206077/JAKE-GYLLENHAAL-BEARD.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Boxy. Compliments the babyface in a way that communicates youthful, masculine vitality. Rookie lumberjack with lots of potential.<br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Score: 8</span><br /><br /><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://thefilmreview.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/brad-pitt-beard-cult.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 300px; height: 400px;" src="http://thefilmreview.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/brad-pitt-beard-cult.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span class="size11 Helvetica11" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;" ><blockquote style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">"...man is not to take his patterns from nature; but neither is he to waste himself in seeking to change her face."<br />--Richard Weaver</blockquote><span style="color: rgb(192, 192, 192);">Although</span><span style="font-weight: bold; color: rgb(192, 192, 192);"> </span><a style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);" href="http://nerdnirvana.org/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/infinite-beard-3561-1259700203-7.jpg"><span style="font-weight: bold;">some</span></a><span style="color: rgb(192, 192, 192);"> struggle with the latter indictment, Brad Pitt struggles with the former.</span><br /><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">Score: 5<br /><br /></span></span><div style="text-align: left;"><span class="size11 Helvetica11" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;" ><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"></span></span>So why do I--he who does not own a TV and no longer watches movies--give these beards a mention? <span style="font-weight: bold;">To shame the Church into reform. </span><br /><br />Brethren, we are outdone by the world. These things ought not to be.<br /><br /><br /><span class="size11 Helvetica11" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);font-family:Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif;" ><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);"></span></span></div></div>Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-80168243200183270292010-10-04T13:37:00.000-07:002010-10-11T18:56:00.145-07:00The Beard in King Arthur's Court<blockquote style="color: rgb(255, 102, 0);">"Consequently, when the Pevensie children had returned to Narnia last time for their second visit, it was (for the Narnians) as if King Arthur came back to Britain, as some people say he will. And I say the sooner the better."<br /><br /> --C.S. Lewis</blockquote><br />Well, Jack, looks like you got your wish:<br /><br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.warband.org.uk/page2.htm"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 226px; height: 327px;" src="http://www.warband.org.uk/userimages/One.gif" alt="" border="0" /></a><span style="color: rgb(204, 0, 0);">(click pic)</span><br /></div><br />This dude believes he's King Arthur. And he wants to represent Salisbury in Westminster.<br /><br />Um... FAIL.<br /><br />When King Arthur rides in, he won't be wearing a suit <span style="font-style: italic;">OR</span> a<span style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);"> </span><a style="color: rgb(255, 153, 255);" href="http://www.warband.org.uk/userimages/Two.jpg">pink scarf</a><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">,</span> and he won't be asking for votes and he won't be representing Salisbury. He'll be sitting his behind in Buckingham palace.<br /><br />So, why does he deserve a mention on our blog?<br /><br />Dude, nice beard.Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-17465027893474584882010-10-03T19:37:00.000-07:002010-10-03T19:46:18.962-07:00Bubbles or Beards?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.biggerbetterbeards.org/img/smarter.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 488px; height: 253px;" src="http://www.biggerbetterbeards.org/img/smarter.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-71823576115634239192010-10-02T17:35:00.000-07:002010-10-02T18:01:06.046-07:00Beard Salute: Doug Wilson<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.fireinthewall.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/pope-doug-wilson.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 450px; height: 312px;" src="http://www.fireinthewall.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/pope-doug-wilson.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Since the publication of his most recent book, <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Reformed-Not-Enough-Recovering-Objectivity/dp/1591280052">Goateed Is Not Enough</a>, Doug has received alot of attention from the bearded community. And with good cause. Doug wears appreciable facial fur, and he wears it well.<br /><br />Some have questioned his orthodoxy (as is repped by the above pic), but even this photoslopper could not erase the beard. Need we say more?<br /><br />Doug Wilson, we salute you!Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-9439393120726958172010-10-01T11:04:00.000-07:002010-10-12T11:16:15.937-07:00Delilah 2.0<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Q0KBZPANhBvghTYTN0z2yVSOzyVU6wGPdsDE-yhi3GSz4aOQD8I3yJVhuAP5vx57bABFcRocLHFPOcm8cQqLfBJoEXd10MhmFLBYQjxs0PXxUmUDmK2rON7tuovFSI6CJqzG-vOliMGX/s1600/hydrovention.png"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 198px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh3Q0KBZPANhBvghTYTN0z2yVSOzyVU6wGPdsDE-yhi3GSz4aOQD8I3yJVhuAP5vx57bABFcRocLHFPOcm8cQqLfBJoEXd10MhmFLBYQjxs0PXxUmUDmK2rON7tuovFSI6CJqzG-vOliMGX/s400/hydrovention.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5522784009320594482" border="0" /></a><blockquote style="font-weight: bold;">"Submit a friend or loved one with facial hair abuse issues for a personal hydrovention today! If your case is selected Doc Hydro's team of nurses will set up a surprise appointment at the patient's home, office, or favorite hang out. Your personal hydrovention will be filmed and aired on our website, facebook, and youtube page. The patient will be cleaned up and hydrated just in time to send yourself, the patient and two friends on a SPRING BREAK TRIP."</blockquote><br /><br /><br />Want to undermine the legitimacy of corporal punishment? Refer to it as "hitting your kids."<br /><br />Want to undermine the conservation of marriage? Refer to it as "hate speech."<br /><br />Want to undermine the manliness of beardedness? Refer to it as "facial hair abuse issues."<br /><br />Oh the damnable subtlety with which phrases are turned!<br /><br />This beast--Weaver's "Great Stereopticon" (that's "mass media" for the rest of us)--would turn roommate against roommate, wife against husband, and man against follicle.<br />Have we forgotten how to blush? Would we expose said blush bare-cheeked? For shame.<br /><br />To that supposed example of "facial hair abuse" in the upper right-hand corner, I say,<br />"Sir, do not be taken in: Delilah 2.0 stands below you, casting her pseudo-seductive gaze; but, she is a pawn of Schick, and does not want you, but your demise."Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-57180867789949141422010-03-16T13:35:00.000-07:002010-03-16T13:37:56.409-07:00Back<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://mnbeardoff.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/MN_beardoff_banner-07.png"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 650px; height: 169px;" src="http://mnbeardoff.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/01/MN_beardoff_banner-07.png" border="0" alt="" /></a><br />Yes, we're back. And one of us is probably moving to a place where the <a href="http://mnbeardoff.com/">above contest</a> is taking place...<div><br /></div><div><br /></div>Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09548448285978266025noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-81755897076942993512009-07-21T09:39:00.000-07:002009-07-21T09:43:00.621-07:00Theology Month (ha!) - Augustine<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://blessed-gerard.org/images/augustine.jpg"><br /><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 300px; height: 398px;" src="http://blessed-gerard.org/images/augustine.jpg" border="0" alt="" /></a>While we don't really know if this is what he looked like, I thought this <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">neo</span>-<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Renaissance</span> mane could earn some points. Here's to Augustine, defender of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">orthodoxy</span>.Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09548448285978266025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-44270927677116039832009-07-10T10:48:00.000-07:002009-07-10T12:08:20.966-07:00Theology Week(s) (2)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://www.rvc.cc.il.us/faclink/pruckman/phil/calvin.gif"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 495px; height: 673px;" src="http://www.rvc.cc.il.us/faclink/pruckman/phil/calvin.gif" border="0" alt="" /></a><br /><div>Today, John Calvin turns 500. Villified and exulted by many, his <i>Institutes of the Christian Religion </i>was the first systematic theology of Protestant Christianity. We don't think he would have finished it at the age of 26 if he wasn't bearded. </div>Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09548448285978266025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-29125755425486666012009-07-06T12:38:00.000-07:002010-10-02T17:24:41.387-07:00Theology Week (1)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQGSN-9g8V9w1U9nTtPsojZTvgaHyO3JislyRdtby7Wni6xeTs&t=1&usg=__aDFb29g8hOcBgdOazKzwqA51yHA="><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 156px; height: 185px;" src="http://t1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQGSN-9g8V9w1U9nTtPsojZTvgaHyO3JislyRdtby7Wni6xeTs&t=1&usg=__aDFb29g8hOcBgdOazKzwqA51yHA=" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="text-decoration: underline;"><br /><br /></span><div style="text-align: left;">We're officially kicking off theology week here at Better Beards. We believe some of the best beards ever grown have been attached to theologians the world over. So, this week we'll be showcasing those beards for our undoubtedly enormous readership.</div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">Today, Charles Spurgeon is our man. His beard was known to strike fear in the hearts of liberal Christians throughout England, and indeed throughout the world. For from the midst of that beard thundered forth words that were published throughout the world in several thousand papers and journals. </div><div style="text-align: left;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: left;">I doubt he would have been as effective were he clean-shaven.</div>Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09548448285978266025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-90680847586495610162009-04-26T17:38:00.001-07:002009-04-26T17:38:59.023-07:00Shield Beard<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: 'Times New Roman'; "><div style="border-top-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-left-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-color: initial; margin-top: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; padding-top: 3px; padding-right: 3px; padding-bottom: 3px; padding-left: 3px; width: auto; font: normal normal normal 100%/normal Georgia, serif; text-align: left; ">When you enter a fist-fight, the popular myth is that having a beard puts its wearer at a distinct disadvantage. It's a liability that can be yanked on and used to throw one to the ground. This, however, is not the case for those in the know. A beard is, in fact, an excellent defensive mechanism against a potential attacker. <br /><br />Imagine with me, a beard just at the bristly stage. As an incoming punch approaches the face, one thinks that definite damage would occur. Instead, the punch is not only cushioned by the beard, but the beard acts to do damage to the hand of the attacker. If honed just right, the attacker's hand will come away bloody. <br /><br />Of course, the problem with such a finely sharpened beard is that less loving from one's wife is likely to occur. Say goodbye to kisses, and hugs are certainly in jeopardy as well.</div></span>Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09548448285978266025noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-7714601300111194992009-04-21T23:59:00.000-07:002009-04-21T05:46:26.867-07:00Chins: part deuxThe relationship between chins and beards is complex and often finely nuanced.<br />Those with very <a href="http://frederatorblogs.com/odd/files/2008/04/chin.jpg">prominent man-chins</a> may do well to balance their face with a mustache. Those whose chins are <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEicsw1zLX2eJuVV6Ash-9rV6Q9YkVznGiBtTimzlSEByXp80BQK8VSBfFJE_wFofvozaOA-lXv8AVgEBhVcifJhfhx-y04bR3eeoxQTnuOAXwr0SiYaO0eezJfpUgIVOn6dDXuXkhb8uvJm/s320/khmer-funny-chin-face-7.jpg">alive</a> should not cover them with facial hair, out of respect. Those with butt-chins, such as my colleague (see previous post) have their own demons.<br /><br />But some of us grow beards precisely because we have <span style="font-style:italic;">receded</span> chins. It happens--don't judge. <br /><br />According to the 2004 ed. <span style="font-style:italic;">Chinology Diagnostic Manual</span>, <br /><br /><blockquote>[a chin] is said to be <span style="font-style:italic;">receded</span> if it meets at least two of the following three criteria:<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">(a)</span> the distance between the lower lip and the bottom of the chin is less than 100th the length of the bridge of the nose.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">(b)</span> a profile of the face in question, as acquired by shadow tracing in a kindergarten class, shows that the chin is more that 3 ft. back from the tip of the nose, so long as the distance between said tip and the upper lip is not more than 1 ft.<br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">(c)</span> the person in question embarrassingly "misses" his target at least 50% of the times that he attempts to scratch his chin.</blockquote><br /><br />Well, it's time to come out of the closet: although you can't tell because of my beard, I have a receded chin.<br />In a bad enough case, you may want to consider wearing only a goatee--no mustache or beard... you'll have some serious compensation going on.<br />But, in a mild case, such as mine, facial hair of any sort (except <a href="http://www.davidkilpatrick.com/mutton.jpg">Friendly Mutton Chops</a>) should do the trick.Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-73459532945712536772009-04-20T15:06:00.000-07:002009-04-24T08:00:31.730-07:00Split ChinsI, like my Polish forebears, have a split chin. A cleft chin, if you like. This facial architecture allows for interesting dynamics when growing and trimming beards. <div><br /></div><div>First, the growth. As my hair grows, it seems to want to grow with a small indentation directly in the middle of my chin. Much like <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Lazar</span> Wolf in <span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">Fiddler on the Roof, </span>I find myself stroking the two protruding <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">tuffs</span> of hair. Grabbing the two offshoots and twisting them outward, I find myself wishing to cackle. Like an evil Hollywood <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">archnemesis</span>. Or something.</div><div><br /></div><div>Second, the trimming involves a navigation skills of Luke <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Skywalker</span> in the Death Star Trench. Failure to trim successfully will leave an uneven beard, which no doubt will result in the whole beard coming off. The ultimate defeat. As such, the cleft chin beard must be handled with utmost care. Nimbly do my hands go over the crevice in my face... preventing the ultimate in humiliation. Others, however, do not have the same issues. Thus, I give it to <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">SBC</span>, who has the opposite kind of chin... the more prominant kind. </div>Danielhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/09548448285978266025noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6913387328479809527.post-88263921240957723542009-04-17T19:55:00.000-07:002010-10-11T19:00:33.245-07:00Sparse CheeksHave you ever noticed a lawn, some patches of which grow thicker, or longer, than the rest? I thought so. Does it bother you? Me neither. Would it bother you if such was the case with your face? If you're like most guys, this is precisely the predicament in which you find yourself. Buck up! There's hope! Read on.<br /><br />For several years, I lamented the imbalanced distribution of hair across my face: the goatee area is markedly thicker than the cheeks! Then I noticed that I was not the only one. This is the case with most men. For the first couple months of a beard's life, the goatee/mustache area can be several shades darker than the rest, resulting in a two-tone effect. Two-tone patterns can be aesthetically pleasing if <a href="http://evangelicalbible.com/shop/images/9780521708098.jpg">Bibles</a> are in view, but on your face?<br /><br />Although there's little that can be done for those first couple months, there is a long term solution: trim the goatee area shorter than the rest. I call this "manual face balancing."<br /><br />For me, for instance, a #2 over the goatee and #4 over the cheeks works very well, if I'm keeping my beard shorter. For a fuller look, I've kept the goatee at a #5 and the cheeks at #7. You see, the proportions can close in as the beard gets longer.<br /><br />I've never grown a very long beard. If I ever do, I suspect that all such balancing will be unnecessary.Scott Clinehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16876591259277154966noreply@blogger.com0