Follicide by Yank

It's a rare and brutal form of follicide when the hairs of the beard are actually pulled out from their moorings. The pain that accompanies this is akin to having your eyeballs skewered with toothpicks, but with a more lingering sensation.

Take this for instance: last night, we were at Scott's house, watching a movie. I had a rare moment of silliness swell up within my soul, and was acting baboonish while trying to kiss my wife. She began to laugh, and as I came in for the kiss, she (not paying attention and with her head thrown back in laughter) closed her mouth. Around my beard. Only a couple casualities resulted, but the effect was severe. After rubbing, jumping, and bashing my face into the wall (perhaps not that last one), the damage was still felt to the core of my face. Alas, men... let me warn you. Avoid the yanking death of a follicle, known as follicide by yank.

Follicide

Follicide: n. the act of killing a follicle. 

Yesterday evening, I took my razor and my Barbasol and began to splash water on my face. Then, liberally applying the Barbasol to my face, I began the work. The key is to start where the beard ends, and move away from it with the razor. Not towards the beard. 

Moving the razor slowly and carefully, I shaped and shaved the stubble, cleaning my face up. This was not by edict, but by choice. Please, don't be alarmed. The beard, in all its out-of-control glory, will remain. For now. When the work was done, the beard was nicely trimmed, still long. But then, the mirror revealed another abnormality: on my chin, a tuff of hair considerably longer then the rest. I will likely be commiting follicide again soon...