Sunday, October 10, 2010

Beard Salute: The Roaming Gnome

"Hello, chaps! Welcome to my spiffy new digs. Can I put the kettle on for you? I’m the Travelocity Roaming Gnome. You’ve probably seen me on the telly, actually, upholding the Travelocity Guarantee. You should know that the camera adds ten pounds. Things I like include finding smashing travel deals, buttered crumpets, combing my lustrous beard, and Photoshopping my passport picture so I look just a smidge taller. Things I don’t like include tan lines, the last day of vacation, people who scream “freebird!”, and getting stuck in the middle seat between two Chatty Cathys."

The Roaming Gnome--whose real name remains undisclosed for obvious reasons--escaped oppressive gardening back in 2003, assisted by the Garden Gnome Liberation Front (a little known subset of the Facial Follicle Freedom Front). After spending several months reconnecting with family at the Bavarian Black Forest refugee camp, he finally found employment with Travelocity's marketing group in 2004, where he's happily served ever since.

When asked to comment on gnomish beard cultivation, he only said,

"Bullhonkery! We gnomes are born with lustrous beards. Anyway, you wouldn't happen to have a bit of stinky cheese about, would you, eh?"
In any case, this beard salute goes out to the Roaming Gnome. Sir, we salute you!

Travelocity, Tourguide from Baldwin& on Vimeo.

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