Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Neck Hair

Imagine sand paper. Now imagine sand paper on your skin. Now, imagine sand paper being rubbed over your skin with the force of fifty-thousand horses pulling a half-mile long concrete slab. You're only beginning to understand the pure, immistakable pain that is neck hair.

It's insidious. To leave the neck hair there is to invite wanton damage to one's neck. Few tell the tale, but an old Scotsman was said to have decapitated himself by turning his head too quick. His neck hair rubbed all the way through, and his head rolled. It was rumored that in the Inquisition one of their methods to keep the cost of execution down was to have men grow stubbly neck hair and then to make them look down too quickly. Their heads came off naturally.

Fellow men, remember to shave the neck hair. Unless you're going terminal with the whole beard. If that's the case, ignore my sage advice. Instead, grow it out. It'll only be a wonderous danger to others.

1 comment:

  1. For those of you who think that DJVIZ has exaggerated, imagine gluing steel wool to the underside of your jaw, then pressing your chin into your chest, and moving it from side to side. That's literally what it can feel like.

    However, let me hasten to add that I let my neck hair go for over 3 weeks, recently, and by the end of it, found that it was getting softer. I'm sure that if you can survive a month or so, in a neck brace, you can make it after that.